Good morning bitches! Yes, I am writing early today rather than late my time. Get over it!
Anyway, lately I’ve been in a creative mood. I’ve never been able to draw or perform other artistic endeavours well. That’s one reason I like wearing make-up: It’s a type of artistic expression for m and I feel I do it well. That said, I’ve been wondering about other outlets I can utilize to be expressive and creative.
In all honestly, I’ve never been able to draw. Even stick figures are gross, misshapen attempts and mockery of my ability. But, aside from make-up, I’ve been wanting to express how I see my self when I close my eyes at night, when I look in the mirror. Because, in all honesty, what peers back at me in my reflection is not what I see in my head.
To that end, I’ve taken up colouring and revising my attempt at drawing and sketching, 
so that I may be able to express how I see myself in my mind.
I’d like to say this is my first attempt, but this is actually the fifth or sixth version of a sketch I am working on. I know it isn’t very good (lips out of proportion to face, exaggerated cheek bones, etc) but it’s a start. I feel I’m getting the dimensional aspects better with shading in that the lips do have a bit of depth to them and that they aren’t just flat and two dimensional. Same with the neck and jaw line. But more to come as I practice.
Additionally, I’ve recently purchased several of those “adult” colouring books. The types with fanciful doodles, Mandalas, and more. I’ve found that using my pencils and, new to me, some pastels, that I can totally lose track of all time and just become immersed in the activity. That’s the mindfulness. And in that, everything around me melts away and I am engrossed in the activity and become relaxed. Last night I started up on the image I was working with and when I paused for the evening, over 2 hours had passed even though it felt like I had been at it about 30 minutes. And for the first time this week, I was actually sleepy and went straight to bed.
And, as I wake up this morning and feel that mindfulness, that ease, I realize that is how I approach applying my make-up each morning. It’s deliberate, intentional, and Zen-like. It’s as much the process as it is the end result.
Enough for now my bitches, time to get on with my day.
Ciao,
denise
mycrossdressingworld 