Grey Areas and Coming Out More

April 24, 2017 — Leave a comment

Hi there my bitches. I hope everyone is doing well. Overall, I am too, but I AM one tired girl here. And I think my life is about to become a little more chaotic. From a practical standpoint it is looking like I will be expanding the circle and coming out to more people sooner rather than later thanks to social media.

It started about two weeks ago. Everything has been going well at work, and everyone all the way up to the CEO has been more than supportive. But one of the roles I carry out is that of hiring manager. And, as such, I work with many professional recruiters in my area.

First came the emails. Since the only thing that changed was my display name, recruiting companies can still reach me using my old email address (my male persona name begins with D as well). Therefore I ‘d get “Hello D—. I’m So-And-So with Company X and we’re looking at how we can help you in your staffing needs” or something along that line. Which, when I reply they get my new display name: Denise. To their credit, the recruiters have rolled with the change as smoothly as my company.

But then the phone calls started. Not just recruiters, but vendors that I work with. And, like my email, my phone number hasn’t changed either and I answer “Hello, this is Denise”. There’s usually a short pause followed by “Oh, I’m sorry, I was trying to reach D—“. I explain that they have the correct number and ask the nature of the call. In the end, I usually have them email me, and we repeat the steps above.

And where that grey area really starts to blend is social media. With new recruiters or vendors, their first action after initiating communication (and before emailing) is to add me on linked in. And my LinkedIn profile is still my male persona D—.

It really wouldn’t be difficult for me to update my LinkedIn profile. However, this is more of that grey area as between 10% and 20% of my LinkedIn contacts are also friends on Facebook. I could possibly change my LinkedIn profile without impacting other social media but I’m not highly optimistic that I wouldn’t be accidentally outed. So it seems that I’m going to have to make changes both places. And that means talking to my family in another state. While I’m not ashamed to be out, and I’m proud of who I am, talking to a few members of my family won’t be easy. And, similar to my work situation last March, I’d like to make it as seamless as possible and minimize “disruption” and the “shock and awe” phenomena.

I do have a private Facebook page for Denise, so one avenue would be to close down “D—‘s” page, and just add friends to my other page. Of course, that lends itself to others still finding out through “friends you may know”. I’m still pondering my options. But first, the chat with my mom, my kids, and a few close friends.

With me luck my bitches!



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