Archives For November 2016

An Exciting Weekend

November 29, 2016 — Leave a comment

Yes, bitches, I am back! And this girl is sassy!

As I mentioned in my previous post the last year has been one of change. While there has been a lot of negative energy in it, there has also been a lot of really good energy as well. Aside from my divorce, the last few months have been extremely positive.

For one, my workplace has been very supportive. Look at the ways I’ve been experimenting and, yes, even wearing different shades of shadow and eyeliner to work.

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It doesn’t seem to matter what I wear to work, how I “express myself”. Each day I arrive I am treated no different from last week, last month, last year. The team members I lead, manage, and mentor treat me with the same respect and courtesy they always have. I lead meetings, I get questions, I’m asked to help them out. Based on my skills, experience, and knowledge in my field, I am no different to my co-workers no matter how I show up to work. I have amazing fucking co-workers at an amazing fucking company bitches!

And, it gets even better my lovelies! Last weekend I attended Drag Queen Christmas (with members of Ru Paul’s Drag Race Season 8 contestants) with my girlfriend. You got that right!

I had asked her earlier this month if she would like to go and how she felt if I attended en femme. Her response was “Sure! I’d LOVE to!”

As the day drew near and we made plans, I told her 1) I need to get new heels. I broke one of my 3″ black pumps not long ago and while I could manage, walking around for several hours, downtown, up and down stairs was not that appealing. I also needed to figure out what to wear, what fit, and what looked good so I asked her if she’d help me pick out an outfit. And,I asked her if she wanted to get a make-over with me! Oh yeah, I went there bitches! (Besides, what girl DOESN’T want a make-over, right?)

So Friday, she said “Why don’t you come over today with all your outfits and let’s play dress-up?”.
OK girls, who just got excited about THAT? THIS girl did!

I packed my “go-bag” with 2 dresses, a black pencil skirt, and several blouses, and my wig. I tossed in 2 pair of tights, panties, and my broke ass pumps. (A girl needs SOMETHING to wear while shopping. Am I right?)

First I tried on the pencil skirt and the blouses. I just love, love, LOVE that skirt! The first blouse was a just a little tight but not bad. It wound up choice number 2. The second blouse was just too damn tight and not flattering at all so then I switched to the dresses. As it’s cold out, I had picked 2 different cable-knit sweater dresses. One, charcoal grey, the other a burgundy. The former is pretty much an A-line dress with a heavy, knit pattern. The latter flares out more at the knees (see right).
red-sweater-dress And that’s the one we chose for the show.

As it’s getting late and this post is getting long-winded, I’m going to fast-forward a bit to Saturday. We both got dressed and headed for our make-over. While at the salon I found a pair of black kitten heels that fit and added them to our purchase. We went to check-in to our hotel a few blocks from the show and I’m thinking “I’m dressed and I need to show photo id, and credit card when we get to the hotel. I wonder how that will play out”. Turns out, it was not an issue. I walked up to the guest counter and said “checking in”. They asked my last name, and said “Oh, we see you checked in online. We have your room ready… What do we call you?”

I assumed they were asking my name so I told them. The desk agent looked at me and said “No, how would you like us to address you? Do you have a name or gender preference?”

As it registered what he was asking, my face lit up and I replied “Oh, I go by D. Just the initial!”

“That’s perfect D! We’ll put that in your file for future reference. Here’s your room key and enjoy your stay!”

Wow!

And, the night just kept getting better. H (my girlfriend) and  I put on some finishing touches then headed for our dinner reservation. By then, I was elated! It was about a 4 block walk to the restaurant and theater along the city’s very popular downtown, open air mall. And I did not give a flying fuck! I had my sashay and swagger on bitches! I had my runway walk on point! It was like a 4 block walk off! I had my little black clutch in one hand, H’s hand in my other, I was strutting my ass and legs all the way down that mother fucking street!

Then, as dinner was drawing to a close and the waiter brings us our check, he looks at me and asked “So, are you the entertainment for tonight?”

It took me a minute but then it hit me: He thought I was part of the show! Damn! Did I really look THAT hot? Was I that on-point with everything? H summed it up fairly nicely. She said “It’s your confidence. You’re practically radiating it. I’ve known you for over three years and while this side is new to me, and this almost feels like a first date, I like it. You’re being you. You’re authentic. And people see that.”

Soon after we paid the check, left the restaurant, and headed for the show. By then, it was almost anti-climactic. Don’t get me wrong, the show was just fabulous. But it just couldn’t compare to the events leading up to it.

Well my lovelies, my bitches, my not-so-gentle readers, it is late and I need my beauty sleep. I shall return soon, I promise! Until then,

ciao,
denise

Bitches, I’m Back!

November 24, 2016 — Leave a comment

Yes, I’m back bitches! I may seem a little sassy right now but it’s been a whirlwind year and I feel I’ve earned it. And by whirlwind, I mean overall it has had some major downs but thing are looking up.

To start with, just over a year ago I lost my youngest grandson. He had an accident in the tub and passed away 10 days after his first birthday. I won’t go into the details but suffice it to say I lost between 3 and 4 months of my life. I honestly don’t know where they went. They are gone. I have a faint, foggy memory of Christmas but November, December, and January don’t seem to have existed. I look back on the last time I blogged and don’t remember writing anything in January but I see the evidence. But, as I started coming out of my grief and fog in February I realized I needed to change my life. I needed to be authentic and true to myself. And that’s when the next changes started.

I began talking with my wife about how this was not the life I wanted. I knew it wasn’t the life she wanted either. We had been living in an open relationship lifestyle for about 5 years but it wasn’t really working out. Aside from my gender fluidity, I had come to realize that I am really not wired for monogamy. That doesn’t mean I can’t love someone for a long time, or the rest of my life, but that they aren’t going to be the only person I love in a romantic or sexual manner. And, with everything I had learned, I began to change my philosophy and ideas around marriage. That is: Why do people need a certificate, or license, to prove they love each other and are committed to each other? Why can’t you just love each other and take care of each other, be there for one another, and support each other? Why do you have to share finances, a house, a car, etc just to say “we love each other and we’re married?” She, on the other hand, decided she needed that stability, that “paper document”, and everything else that comes with a marriage. She wanted the “status quo”, the identity of being a married couple and all the privileges granted to it. And that while she believed in open relationships and polyamory in theory, I believe she looked at her parent’s 50 plus years of marriage and saw that as the ultimate goal and achievement and couldn’t reconcile the two. In the end, we talked about it like mature adults and each decided that live the remainder of our lives as friends and to pursue our happiness along separate paths. We sold the house, paid off all our debt, divided the remainder, then filed for divorce ourselves.

All along the way, I began making changes to my life based on what I felt was being authentic to myself. I had never stopped wearing make-up to work but I became a bit more bold. Aside from the daily wear I had been using (foundation, concealer, powder, and mascara) I started adding eye shadow as well. It was usually something very subtle like a copper or bronze. I also began tweezing my brows a little more, shaping and thinning them.

At the same time, I had gotten back with my girlfriend (we had broken up right about the time our grandson died but that’s another story) and I began going to the salon with her for a manicure. At first I was just getting a basic treatment with trimmed nails and cuticles, and clear polish. Then she suggested I try something decorative for my index finger. I had aces done for my poker league, then a Lord of the Rings design. Around August I decided to go with a design based on Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side of the Moon”: A black nail with the prism and rainbow. The nail artist misunderstood and instead of just painting one nail, did it across all of them. I was too embarrassed to tell her “No, I only wanted it on one nail” so I went with it. Other than all black (or mostly black) I really liked it. So the next trip I found and went with a metallic, charcoal grey. Then a 3-D Halloween design, to what I’m wearing now: heat sensitive, color-changing shellac in a light mauve to deep eggplant purple tones.

And all while I’m making these changes, I’m adding more bold shadows, and even liner to my daily wear. A co-worker and I created “winged eyeliner Thursday” where we see what kinds of cute and interesting designs we can make with eyeliner. It’s fun and I’m enjoying my life. I feel I am able to express who I truly am now.

I know this is a lot to drop on my lovelies, my bitches, my not so gentle readers, but I have to start somewhere. Look forward to more posts soon including pics of what I’ve learned to do in the last year. And aside from my life, there’s the whole word on fire too with anti-LGBTQ fear and uncertainty. I’ll cover that too.

But for now, goodnight my lovelies. Until next time…
Ciao, Denise