Archives For Gender acceptance

Trans Erasure

July 7, 2017 — Leave a comment

Good evening my bitches. I say good, but I’m not feeling it tonight (other than chillin with my fur babies as seen up top).

I’ve finally encountered a form of “trans erasure” and I’m between mad, upset, and hurt.

What is trans erasure? from it is “Noun. transerasure (uncountable) (LGBT) The tendency to ignore, deny, or minimize the existence of transsexual/transgender people or transsexualism/transgenderism”. In my case, the experience was somewhere between denying and minimizing me and my life.

It starts out with my best friend’s daughter getting married this Fall and a wedding shower at the end of the month. It also coincides with a trip I planned to see my kids and grandchildren.

Since I’m now out to my family my plan was to see visit them as D. But that created a dilemma for me. Because if I see my grandchildren as D (and they know me by that now) then would it confuse them more to see me as my male counterpart at the wedding later?

So I decided to visit them as D. Which means I should attend the shower as D as well so I’m consistent. And that’s when the erasure hit.

My friend emailed me this morning requesting I not show up as Denise because it might upset the groom-to-be’s conservative parents. It feels as if they think I can just switch it on and off and go back and forth between being Denise and my former male self. And THAT, my bitches, is erasure: it’s denying me.


Some Inspiration

March 29, 2017 — Leave a comment

Good evening my bitches. I just wanted to stop in a share a little inspiration with everyone tonight. I have found a new hero (or heroine): Sophie Labelle, author and artist of Assigned Male comics. I feel she is doing so much to aid and support the trans community. It’s what I hope to aspire to someday. Hopefully I’ll get her permission and can post or share some of her art as well. In the meantime, please check her page out and give her support and love as well.


Good evening my bitches! Well, another day has passed in my new life as Denise. And, as yesterday, it was a good day. And by that, I mean I am accepted by my co-workers: no hassles, no complaints. I’ve been treated the same the last 2 days as I’ve been treated the last 4 years as a male. I’m respected, and treated no differently than before.

But as far as day-to-day life goes, I am loving it and have been very happy. Both days I’ve strutted my sassy ass into the office, head held high and proud. And that attitude carries forward. I think people see my confidence and it radiates out towards them. I have nothing to be ashamed of or afraid of so everyone sees me as me. I am Denise and I am happy!

What’s even more fun this week is actually planning my outfits! In my male persona, I had 4 polo shirts, 2 or 3 dress shirts, and jeans. Not much to decide on to wear. (Yes, I was a fairly simple person). Now, between skirts, skinny jeans, blouses, and shoes, I have more options to “express myself”. So I’ve been planning what I’ll wear not just the next day, but each day. Tomorrow I’m planning on a floral print pencil skirt, black blouse, and pink pumps. Thu I can’t decide between jeans or the black pencil skirt. And Friday will be my paneled skinny jeans with a sleeveless blouse. Can’t wait!

For now though, my not-so-gentle readers, it’s bedtime for this sassy bitch!


Poker Night

January 28, 2017 — 3 Comments

Good morning bitches! Friday was just awesome! I had my phone consult with the potential therapist who specializes in LGBT and gender identity issues and already have my first physical appointment with her in a few weeks. Hooray!

And then there was poker night! I got off a bit late from work, rushed home, redid my make-up (more like touched it up for evening wear), and changed. I was back out the door in under 45 minutes and raring ready to go! What do you think bitches, did I do justice with my poker/resting bitch face? 😉 restingbitchfaceI did well at poker, had a blast and enjoyed every minute as Denise. And, in my opinion, it’s evenings, days, etc, when I’m dressed and can be me and feel happy and free that I know this is the real me.

Ta ta for now bitches!

(Mis)Reading the Signs

January 18, 2017 — Leave a comment

Good evening my lovely bitches! I hope everyone is well tonight (or tomorrow depending on where you live) . Well, I think a lot of things are falling into place if I am interpreting what the universe is trying to tell me. I can’t believe I’ve missed the message over the last few months, and weeks, particularly since Christmas.

I guess it all started to come together, and I began to interpret the sign when I got back after New Year. First, there was the lack of sleep and possible depression. Seriously, I’ve been in “a mood”. What I mean by that is very close and withdrawn. I’ve been very deep in my thoughts. I call it “going introvert”. But, it’s really been the lack of sleep. It’s not that I can’t sleep as once I do fall asleep, I sleep extremely soundly and contentedly. I just can’t get to sleep.

And, once I do fall asleep, my immediate thoughts are images of how I think I should look (or at least that’s how I’m interpreting it). As I mentioned in a recent post, I see a younger looking woman behind my eyes, within my brain. And I know it’s me because I see my eyes.

And, as I mentioned, I’ve been unhappy with my body. What I see is just not me. It’s not that image peering out from beneath those long bangs, curls around my ears, with a pencil skirt, or smart-looking A-line or Empire dress.

So between just those things I was starting to get the message when this week happened. Ultimately, it was a combo of what my friend K said to me the other night along with a Facebook message from another friend, and a comment from s co-worker.

I’ll start by revisiting some of K’s comments to me the other night.

“Since the day I saw you in that dress, I knew that’s where you were supposed to be”
“Embrace it! Be the woman you love and want to be! Be YOU!”

The next day at work, my co-worker in the next cube was talking to me about my eyeliner and shadow. She told me that she really admired how strong I was that I wasn’t afraid to be myself at work. And she told me how much she admired that “You’re just you and you’re so comfortable with it”. Before I knew it, I had several other women at my cube and we were all talking dresses, make-up, fashion. And, it felt different. Not like a guy listening to friends chat about their fashion choices, but like I “belonged”. It was like I was one of them. Does that make sense?

Later that night, another friend sent me a link in a Facebook message. (Please read it my bitches. It’s truly wonderful and beautiful.) At first I questioned it (was it even from her, had she been hacked, etc) as it seemed like a phishing scheme. But once I confirmed she did send it, I went to it and nearly cried. Not from sadness, but from joy and happiness! What struck me is how much panelsmirrorimage 3 (right), 4, 5, and 6 really hit home. That was me on so many occasions while shopping with my ex or my girlfriend.

And that’s when it hit me. I truly understood what the universe was telling me. It’s what my friends and co-workers have been telling me all along: “You’re not D, you’re Denise”. “Be who you are, because we know who you are”.

And now I can’t sleep because I’m excited! I’ve figured it out! I understand now how I’ve been misreading the signs. And, tomorrow I have a much-needed session with my counselor. I know what I’ll talk about her about my bitches! And when I do…. Look the fuck out! I’ll update everyone tomorrow night. Until then…


A change for 2017

January 4, 2017 — Leave a comment

Today’s topic, bitches, is about change! It can be good, it can be neutral, or it can be bad. Those outcomes, however, are based on the perception of those experiencing that change.

To start with, I’m changing the look of my blog. For myself, I feel this is a good experience. From my perspective, the original WordPress theme was limiting. I honestly didn’t like that the widgets were in the footer. That mean that you, my (not-so) gentle readers, were forced to read to the bottom to find the like, follow, or comment buttons. From a user experience perspective, readers should have all the web or application controls and widgets needed to browse, comment, the like, nearby without having to scroll or look around for them. On that note, my bitches, let me know if, from your perspective, this change is good, neutral, or bad.

The second topic around change is much more serious. It’s regarding National Geographic’s January 2017 cover story on the Gender Revolution. The story, as reported by USA Today, features a 9-year old transgender girl, Avery, on their cover.

From my point of view, this is a good change. It is putting the topic of gender identity more into the public eye, and challenging many existing norms and stereotypes. As Robin Marantz Henig notes in one story from this issue

“Many of us learned in high school biology that sex chromosomes determine a baby’s sex, full stop: XX means it’s a girl; XY means it’s a boy. But on occasion, XX and XY don’t tell the whole story”

But what does this mean? It means that we, as a race, are just really beginning to unravel what makes us human. And, as the editor of National Geographic explains in a note on why they opted for this story “beliefs about gender are shifting rapidly and radically”.

For some, this type of change is not being perceived in a positive light. It is challenging their social, and religious, ideology. How can one rationalize a belief system that is binary in nature (good/evil, man/woman, male/female, etc) when presented with non-binary  types (intersex, transgender)?

As I discussed with my mother over Christmas, it’s not easy. I tried a thought experiment with her along these lines: If God created people in his image, didn’t he create intersex, and transgender people this way (I went on as well about gay, lesbian, etc). And if he created them, and since “science” is proving more and more that people are born this way, doesn’t that mean they are part of God, that God created them gay, lesbian, trans, as well and deserve love and compassion?

Her response sort of defied logic: “God created man and woman. If they are born gay, or trans, then Satan made them that way and they can pray, ask forgiveness, and return to how God created them”.

And that, my bitches, is why I applaud NatGeo for publishing this special issue: Let’s get these topics more out in the open so people can understand non-binary types. Let’s get the dialogue moving (hopefully) in a more positive light and acceptance.

One last favor to my readers. First off, be an ally to any LGBTQ friends or family you know. Let them know you support them. Secondly, please sound off on my blog with your thoughts and comments.

Signing off for tonight my lovelies,