Archives For acceptance

Trans Erasure

July 7, 2017 — Leave a comment

Good evening my bitches. I say good, but I’m not feeling it tonight (other than chillin with my fur babies as seen up top).

I’ve finally encountered a form of “trans erasure” and I’m between mad, upset, and hurt.

What is trans erasure? from Wiktionary.com it is “Noun. transerasure (uncountable) (LGBT) The tendency to ignore, deny, or minimize the existence of transsexual/transgender people or transsexualism/transgenderism”. In my case, the experience was somewhere between denying and minimizing me and my life.

It starts out with my best friend’s daughter getting married this Fall and a wedding shower at the end of the month. It also coincides with a trip I planned to see my kids and grandchildren.

Since I’m now out to my family my plan was to see visit them as D. But that created a dilemma for me. Because if I see my grandchildren as D (and they know me by that now) then would it confuse them more to see me as my male counterpart at the wedding later?

So I decided to visit them as D. Which means I should attend the shower as D as well so I’m consistent. And that’s when the erasure hit.

My friend emailed me this morning requesting I not show up as Denise because it might upset the groom-to-be’s conservative parents. It feels as if they think I can just switch it on and off and go back and forth between being Denise and my former male self. And THAT, my bitches, is erasure: it’s denying me.

Some Inspiration

March 29, 2017 — Leave a comment

Good evening my bitches. I just wanted to stop in a share a little inspiration with everyone tonight. I have found a new hero (or heroine): Sophie Labelle, author and artist of Assigned Male comics. I feel she is doing so much to aid and support the trans community. It’s what I hope to aspire to someday. Hopefully I’ll get her permission and can post or share some of her art as well. In the meantime, please check her page out and give her support and love as well.

Ciao,
denise

Next Steps

March 27, 2017 — Leave a comment

Well my bitches, the weekend is over. (For some of my not so gentle readers it probably already is Monday in fact).

The last year or so has been an exciting ride for sure. I may have acted like a little school girl at times (and probably will for some time now) as I’ve discovered and opened up to my authentic self. That said, now that I’m settling into living a female persona full-time, expect the tone of my posts to change a bit. Not to worry my bitches, there will still be the posts on make-up, clothes, and shopping, but I plan on working towards a more advocacy and support manner for those in the LBGTQ communities.

I will share articles on, particularly, struggles or issues with those who identify as trans. That means support for those fighting bathroom bills in less than open states (i.e. Texas and North Carolina), or to do what I can to educate people on what it really means to be trans.

I will also endeavor, and continue, to support feminism and to help point out behaviours and attitudes that are harmful or that continue to perpetuate a culture of privilege and expectation against women.

Happy weekend my bitches, we made it! And, I’ve made it one full week as Denise. In some aspects, it has been rather mundane as the week has been no different from any other week. I’ve gone to work as usual, been presented with the same problems as usual, and dealt with my usual meetings and tasks. The only difference has been my presentation and even that has been rather mundane. And, as I mentioned earlier this week, that is a very good thing!

My co-workers have been extremely accommodating and accepting. From the moment I walked in last Monday, I’ve been greeted with “Morning D”, or “Hi Denise”. And that extends to my team. Questions, emails, and the like have all been prefaced with D or Denise. All in all, a very good week. Everyone has accepted my for me: Denise.

As far as joining the “girls club”, that has been the more fun and exciting changes this week. And that seems to be where I’m accepted most: among my female co-workers.

Some friends on the call center support team are some of the most ardent advocates of Denise. I have to walk past their work area to get to my cube so they are the first to greet me each day. And they have been very supportive and eager to meet Denise from the beginning. And each day I get “love your outfit” (which by the way, the header picture is from Thursday’s outfit) or other comments from them. I can’t begin to express my gratitude to them.

Then there’s the whole bathroom issue. It’s not that I’ve been nervous or anxious. I’ve been using women’s rooms for several months now. But that has typically been with strangers. It’s been around people who have never know my male persona. At work it is a bit different because they DO (or did) know me in my former presentation. And would anyone be uncomfortable when we were in the lady’s room together?

That was dispelled quite quickly the first day. During my first visit to the lady’s room as I was washing up one of my female co-workers walks out of the stall and greets me with “Morning Denise, Happy Monday!” We chatted a bit then went back to our cubes. Later, the receptionist and I passed as I was entering the ladies room and she was leaving. We then proceed to chat in the doorway for several minutes.

By the end of the week it seems like my presence in their was more than just tolerated. I was expected, and accepted. I was just another girl who’s “just gotta pee”.

And the best anecdotal evidence that I’ve been accepted to the girls club came Friday. Twice early in the day I had come out of the stall with my friend Lisa from support. As usual we chatted a bit and moved on. However, at the end of the day we ran into each other for the third time. As we were washing up Lisa looks over at me and says “well, I guess we’ve synched up our schedules now!” I laughed and looked back at her and replied “Well, if something else gets synched up, then you should be worried!”

She cracked a big smile, laughed, and replied back “No way girl! Our team has already synched up like that. We don’t need anyone else in that club with us!” So yes, I feel I’ve arrived, and I’m just one of the girls now. I am loving my life and very happy. Let’s see what next week brings!

For now, have a great weekend my bitches!

Ciao,
denise

Free to Be Me

March 21, 2017 — Leave a comment

Good evening my bitches! Well, I’ve successfully completed my first full day at my old job, in my new life, as Denise. And, guess what my bitches? It was rather anti-climactic. And that’s an incredibly good thing to have happened.

I woke up as usual this morning, and went about my daily routine: cold, bubbly caffeine to wake up, potty, shower, then get ready for work. Only this time, instead of jeans, a polo or dress shirt, and sneakers or dress shoes it was a denim skirt, black blouse, nude 20170320_221002pantyhose, and my “Stevie Nicks” boots (pic at right is relaxing after work). Also, instead of just stopping at my daily wear, I added full eyeliner top and bottom, some color highlight on my lash lines, lipstick, and my wig. And instead of transferring drivers license and bank cards between purse and wallet, I just slung my purse over my shoulder and was out the door!

There was not a single ounce of nervousness or anxiety as I pulled into my office. I looked in the rear-view mirror, dabbed a fresh coat of lipstick, and strolled right into the office. I was immediately greeted by variations of “Hi D!”, “Morning Denise, have a good weekend?”, etc.

I did have a few nice compliments, but overall, as I said anti-climactic. It was just another day at work. The only difference was my physical appearance. And that, my bitches, had no impact on the work that I, my team, or my company performs on a daily basis.

And that’s how it should be everywhere. Who cares if someone is gay, lesbian, bi, trans, black, white, Jew, Muslim, Christian, etc? At the end of the day, are we competent at what we do, do our co-workers respect us, are we productive? Are we being hurtful or injurious to anyone? And ultimately, are we happy? For me, the answer is yes! I am happy! I am free to be myself! I am Denise!

 

 

Hello there my bitches and happy post Valentine’s Day! I hope everyone received the day they hoped for!

As for me, I got a cute surprise at work. I had been at one meeting early and then stopped by my boss’s office to give him a few updates and status on some items my team is working on. When I got back to my desk, I found the a flower and card next to my keyboard (see featured image).

And no my bitches, I do not have a secret admirer (nor do I want one). It turned out the card and flower was from one of our tier 1 support personnel. Inside the envelope was a card shaped like a piece of toast and on it she wrote that I was “her jam” and that she couldn’t wait to meet Denise in person. I can’t begin to tell you how that made me feel. For one, that I have such a supportive company, is immensely huge. And second, that I have co-workers who care enough that they are eager to meet my new self.

I walked over to tell her thank you, and that it DID mean a lot to me. She just gave me a big hug and said “I take care of my girls”.

And on that note my bitches, I am out of here tonight.

Ciao my lovely bitches!
denise

A Big Step Forward

February 14, 2017 — Leave a comment

Hello my bitches! Today was a huge step forward for me! I had a follow-up meeting with the VP of HR for my company. In short, I have the green light and thumbs up to move forward with my plan to transition. Not that I had any doubts.

And, the meeting just confirmed what an amazing company I work for. To begin with I was told I have the full support of my company. Then followed a few questions from “legal”

  1. Will I prefer that my co-workers use male, female, or gender neutral pronouns?
  2. Will I transition gradually (some days male, some female) or transition all at once and just start working from that day out as Denise?
  3.  Will I change my name, or go by a different name?
  4. Will I want a new photo badge, and nameplate for my cube?
  5. And, the all important: Which restroom did I plan on using?

To me, questions two and five are related and I had thought about them for a while. For example, when I am out and about as Denise, I do use the lady’s room now. But, most of the places I go are single stall restrooms so it’s not a big issue. But at work it could be a different matter if one day I’m dressed in male attire, and the next female. I don’t think it fair to my co-workers to see me in the men’s room one day, and the ladies next. But, if I’ve fully transitioned, and coming to work as Denise every day, then that is a different matter.At that point I would have no qualms using the ladies room every day. Therefore, my answer was that my plan would be to complete a full switch: One day I’d come to work as my male presentation, talk to my team members, then the next work day (probably after a weekend) show up to work as Denise. And from that point on, use the ladies room.

And the first question (and the third) are related. I do prefer that my co-workers use female pronouns with me (she, her, etc). As for a name change, I still haven’t decided. Several co-workers already use my gender neutral moniker: D. That works, but in some sense it goes against my wish for co-workers to use female pronouns. At the same time, “D” is a cute nickname I can still use while officially going by Denise. Thoughts my bitches?

So now everything is in place at work and the pieces are moving. Next week I have my first session with a specialist in gender identity issues and I plan to see her fully dressed as Denise. Then, it’s more a matter of enough wardrobe and timing along with a plan (hopefully) blessed and approved by said therapist. If all goes well, I hope to walk into work on the first day of Spring (20 March) as Denise and never look back.

Ciao my bitches,
denise

I Bought ’em!

February 13, 2017 — Leave a comment

Good evening bitches! Yes, I bought those boots! And ooh, they feel so wonderful!

I also got some new jeans (in the same pic) along with 2 new tops (pics to come soon). So there I am with my gorgeous new shoes and leg that won’t quit 😉

Other than that, it was another wonderful weekend where I’ve spent most of it as Denise. From the moment I woke up Saturday, through all day Sunday.

Started off with a drop-in at my salon to get my nails fixed. Then off to get the shoes. On the way we stopped at a bib-box store and did some shopping. That’s where I got the new jeans and the two tops. Oh, and walking into the women’s dressing room now is automatic. I take my clothes and I sashay right in there. I belong there. It is mine too!

Then a final stop at the shoe store. I had called ahead to make sure he had them in stock so when we got there it was just a matter of a final fitting. And as I walked in I told the owner that “I’m going to be wearing these out of here, just so you know”. I paid, and we walked out as I strutted my sexy ass up and down the sidewalk in the downtown area. We stopped at an old-fashioned burger joint and share some malts before heading back home.

Our original plan had been to see a movie but as it was sold out we just opted for dinner and to go home and chill and try again for the movie on Sunday.

So this morning, we were up, showered, and dressed for a date with me in my new jeans and boots. We’re even to the point now where we hold hands, kiss and flirt in public like we did before I started my transition.

After the movie my girlfriend went home and I ran my errands: Grocery shopping and then hanging out at my local watering hole.

So that’s two weekends in a row where I’ve been able to be myself. It’s close my bitches, that day where that’s me full-time. I can see the light.

For now, bed time and beauty rest my bitches!

Ciao,
denise

Evening bitches! Well, make me promise to never blog again when I am tired . Yesterday’s post on Full Time in the Future was NOT what I intended, rambled way to much, or got bogged down in detail. Where I meant to go with it was a statement that I am moving towards full-time as Denise.

To that end, I’m living as myself now close to 50% of the time, specially going back to last week. Going back to Tuesday when I went shopping after work through today I’ve been Denise and dressed as such except for work.

On weekdays, since I usually wear a good base of foundation and my daily wear, it’s quick and easy to change and transition to Denise once I get home. So after 8 hours at work I have a good 6 hours at home, shopping, dinner, etc.

Then there was the weekend where I was dressed from the minute I woke up to the minute I went to bed. That was a good 24 hours as Denise and I can say it was pure bliss.

And tonight was a session with my regular therapist. As such, came home, changed into my new jeans, grey sweater, pink pumps, a new necklace and I was off to see the counselor. It was my first time to see her as Denise since my last session where I came out as transgender and it was a good session. I honestly believe she was as happy to see me Denise as I was to be there.

While I still have some doubts about who I am, she seemed to reassure me that those doubts are natural. On the other hand, her most poignant comment, and one I’ve heard from several co-workers, was about how comfortable, and at ease I was. That, she said, was her basis that no matter where I am on the gender spectrum was proof for her that I belong as Denise and that’s who I am.

On that note my bitches I am signing off before I start to ramble or get off topic.

Until next time,

Ciao!

Starting to Come Out

January 26, 2017 — Leave a comment

I’m feeling better my bitches! I’ve come out to a few close co-workers this week and the support has been overwhelmingly positive! I’ve talked to them one-on-one and showed them the picture of me on the phone. It was the one I posted as my featured image the other day, the one from poker night.Most of my co-workers couldn’t even tell it was me. The most significant comments were how I looked happy and natural.

Well, tonight, my girlfriend and I went to one of our local MeetUp groups and I went as Denise. I had planned it pretty much from the moment I woke up this morning and I was eagerly looking forward to it. So I wore my tights and panties to work under my clothes and did my make-up as usual.

I met my girlfriend at my flat after work and changed. Make-up was easy since I had applied it this morning so it was mostly just touch up and going from day-look eye shadow to evening look, and applying lipstick. As my cats would say…. Meow!!!

As the MeetUp we belong to is made up of alternative relationship lifestyle members (ethically non-monogamous, LGBTQ, pan, queer, etc) I gave it no thought to being out among them. It didn’t dawn on me until I pulled into  the parking lot that first off, this was a new meeting venue, and secondly, it was a popular restaurant/bar venue. The parking lot was packed!

But, as I am all out of fucks to give, and I honestly don’t care what people think, I popped right out of the car, and strutted my sexy ass in there! I never blinked, fretted, sweated, or worried a bit.I sat there and chatted with my friends and had a great time, not being self conscious of myself. In fact, I had to get up and go to the car to retrieve my glasses and cellphone. Just as I did when entering, I stood up, and sauntered my sexy ass out to the car and right back in: head high, with swagger and sass!

I was extremely happy tonight bitches. I am so ready to be Denise!

Ciao my lovelies!