Good evening my lovely bitches! I hope everyone is well tonight (or tomorrow depending on where you live) . Well, I think a lot of things are falling into place if I am interpreting what the universe is trying to tell me. I can’t believe I’ve missed the message over the last few months, and weeks, particularly since Christmas.
I guess it all started to come together, and I began to interpret the sign when I got back after New Year. First, there was the lack of sleep and possible depression. Seriously, I’ve been in “a mood”. What I mean by that is very close and withdrawn. I’ve been very deep in my thoughts. I call it “going introvert”. But, it’s really been the lack of sleep. It’s not that I can’t sleep as once I do fall asleep, I sleep extremely soundly and contentedly. I just can’t get to sleep.
And, once I do fall asleep, my immediate thoughts are images of how I think I should look (or at least that’s how I’m interpreting it). As I mentioned in a recent post, I see a younger looking woman behind my eyes, within my brain. And I know it’s me because I see my eyes.
And, as I mentioned, I’ve been unhappy with my body. What I see is just not me. It’s not that image peering out from beneath those long bangs, curls around my ears, with a pencil skirt, or smart-looking A-line or Empire dress.
So between just those things I was starting to get the message when this week happened. Ultimately, it was a combo of what my friend K said to me the other night along with a Facebook message from another friend, and a comment from s co-worker.
I’ll start by revisiting some of K’s comments to me the other night.
“Since the day I saw you in that dress, I knew that’s where you were supposed to be”
“Embrace it! Be the woman you love and want to be! Be YOU!”
The next day at work, my co-worker in the next cube was talking to me about my eyeliner and shadow. She told me that she really admired how strong I was that I wasn’t afraid to be myself at work. And she told me how much she admired that “You’re just you and you’re so comfortable with it”. Before I knew it, I had several other women at my cube and we were all talking dresses, make-up, fashion. And, it felt different. Not like a guy listening to friends chat about their fashion choices, but like I “belonged”. It was like I was one of them. Does that make sense?
Later that night, another friend sent me a link in a Facebook message. (Please read it my bitches. It’s truly wonderful and beautiful.) At first I questioned it (was it even from her, had she been hacked, etc) as it seemed like a phishing scheme. But once I confirmed she did send it, I went to it and nearly cried. Not from sadness, but from joy and happiness! What struck me is how much panels 3 (right), 4, 5, and 6 really hit home. That was me on so many occasions while shopping with my ex or my girlfriend.
And that’s when it hit me. I truly understood what the universe was telling me. It’s what my friends and co-workers have been telling me all along: “You’re not D, you’re Denise”. “Be who you are, because we know who you are”.
And now I can’t sleep because I’m excited! I’ve figured it out! I understand now how I’ve been misreading the signs. And, tomorrow I have a much-needed session with my counselor. I know what I’ll talk about her about my bitches! And when I do…. Look the fuck out! I’ll update everyone tomorrow night. Until then…