Good evening bitches! How is everyone tonight? This gurl is feeling fabulous, sassy, and confident!
A few nights ago I wrote about body image and how I have been unhappy with myself lately. Well, I think tonight (or this weekend in general) was a turning point.
I guess it really started Saturday morning when I woke up feeling particularly… how should I say this… “girly”. I had an appointment for my manicure and I really, really, really, wanted to dress up and go to the salon as Denise. But I was feeling too ugly and fat. So while I didn’t go fully dressed, I did go with a bit more than my “daily wear” make-up. I did full winged eyeliner, a medium blue shadow for my lids, and an orange and bronze blend from the lids up. And, I even wore a bit of lipstick: my favourite “Champagne on Ice” nude shade. It felt good. Really good.
With all that going on, my girlfriend as supposed to meet me at the salon. However, long story short, between a last-minute family obligation, and then not feeling well, she couldn’t make it. That left me with the afternoon to myself. I was really liking my new nails, and I felt like did a smashing job blending my eye shadows, and was feeling really good.
First, I donned my wig. I was curious with the make-up contouring and blending how everything would look. I was rather pleased and was wanting more (based on my mood when I woke up). As I needed to take care of a few chores around my flat, it was then I decided to just say “fuck it” with the body image (it WAS a Saturday afternoon and all).
I pulled on my favorite panties, then pantyhose, a skirt, blouse, and my heels and became Denise for the afternoon. It felt really good. And I was happy for a few hours. I felt like me regardless of my body image.
Then back to reality as my girlfriend was heading over and we were going to a ballroom dance and I needed to transition back (I did keep most of the make-up on 🙂 ). So for the next 24 hours or so I was back to my masculine representation. That is, until this evening.
I met my good friend K at my local watering hole while watching American football. We had a really good conversation around changes in our lives. And, K has met me as Denise and D (that’s the gender non-specific name I introduce myself as), so she knows the things I’m going through. And we talked about the body image issues I’m dealing with and how I want to change. And she was very positive and supportive.
We chatted a bit more and I finally left for my flat. But, once home, I was stronger in my feeling to be Denise so I changed. And for some reason, got really sassy and flirty.
So I took the selfie (today’s featured image) and sent it to K asking her opinion. Her response made my night! “Omg girl!!! You look amazing! Look at those lips!”.
The most important one she sent “I’ve known you for 6 months and seen you as Denise once. And I’ve always felt that D is not the real you. THIS is the real you and you’re amazing!”
And that started a long text discussion that, with her support, has encouraged me to be the real me. She’s the first person I ever used the word “trans” to describe myself. And, she used it tonight to describe me. And she told me “Since the day I first saw you in that dress, I knew that’s who you were supposed to be”.
It’s funny hearing it from someone else. But yes, I need to start being who I’m supposed to be.
Ciao my lovely bitches,