Body Image

January 11, 2017 — Leave a comment

Good evening bitches, I’m back for another round. First off, a warm thanks to all who are viewing and reading my thoughts. I hope that I am enlightening and/or entertaining you.

Now, on to tonight’s topic: body image. Or, I should say: my body image. When I say that, I am not talking about the “Girls need to be size 2, thigh gap, fat-shaming” we see portrayed in magazines and fashion articles. What I am talking about is what I see, or feel, or think about myself when I close my eyes at night, or look in the mirror in the morning.

What I see is not me. And, it makes me unhappy often times. I do not like the image my body presents to me in the mirror. The images that swirl in my brain behind closed eyes at night,  consist of shoulder brunette length hair,  a hint of red, curled around soft, feminine cheek bones.I see dark, smoldering eyes peering out from underneath my bangs. I see smooth, high cheek bones, a narrow jaw line, and no jowls. I see the face of an attractive, forty-something woman. At least that’s what my my brain is showing me.

Then I wake up and look in the mirror and that is not what I see. My reflection disappoints with the look of stubbly whiskers, a receding hairline, and droopy jowls. It’s the antithesis of the attractive woman in my mind.

I can fix some things. For instance, I can create the smoldering, sexy eyes. I can give the illusion of the smooth, high cheek bones. But I feel it’s all just a mockery that’s covering up what’s underneath. But still, I do what I can to work towards the image that resides in my mind.

But, with all that, there’s the rest of my body. The other images conjured up by my brain are a thinner, more fit woman. I’m not suggesting that I want to look like a model off the runway in Paris. I’m talking about a healthy, average, body weight woman. And, don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that’s how I should look because “society says I should look like that”. For example, the few outfits I do own are a size 20 or above, XXL or larger. The woman I see myself as would be happy with a size 14 to 16 pencil skirt, or dress. That’s just how my mind envisions what I should look like. That’s what I see in my sleep.

Is that wrong of me to want that? To want to see what my bind is showing me?

 

Advertisements

No Comments

Be the first to start the conversation!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s